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KITCHEN PROVERBS (CRETINS CAN'T READ)
UNDERWEAR OF OSAMA BIN BLUBBER
CHARRED MEAT-GREASE: THE DAILY FEAST
On a dark desert highway,
Cool wind up my bum.
Warm smell of ears boiling,
I really didn't want some.
Up ahead in the distance
I heard some shrieking and screams
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I knew I'd have some bad dreams…
There they stood in the door-way
A sight I knew all too well...
Straight from Deros Down Under
Trolls and ogres from Hell,
Then they crumpled some beer cans
Hocked some lugeys my way.
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
“Welcome to the Hotel Kununurra…
Such a lovely shack (such a lovely shack)
Better watch your back…
Plenty of room at the Hotel Kununurra…
No mental health or hygiene (mental health or hygiene)
But it's oh so clean!”
When I went in the kitchen
I couldn't see for the flies,
Grease running down onto the floor
From the charred meat pies.
Carcasses in the warm fridge,
Dishes piled in the sink,
Rubbish poured from the overfull bin
My nose was scarred by the stink.
So I called up the manager
Who was absent and late...
She said 'We haven't had that species here
here since 1968’
And always their grim noise blares from the parking lots
Wakes you up in the middle of the night
Just to see their brain clots!
“Welcome to the Hotel Kununurra…
Such a lovely pit (such a lovely pit)
Better guard your shit.
Livin' it up at the Hotel Kununurra…
Oh so very nice (oh so very nice)
If you like spoiled rice!”
Surveillance cams on the ceiling,
Recording kuru guffaws.
And they said ‘No longer cannibals here,
we mainly like ears and paws...'
And in the tellie view room
They scrambled for the remote,
Knives to hack up their long dead pig…
Or was it maybe a goat?
First thing in the morning
I had rung the police;
A pygmy troll had choked to death
In a pool of grease,
From Osama bin Blubber
Who got splattered like lard.
My work here now was almost done:
To wipe the ass of retards.
“Welcome to the Hotel Kununurra
Such a lovely shack (such a lovely shack)
Better watch your back…
Plenty of room at the Hotel Kununurra
No mental health or hygiene (mental health or hygiene)
But it's oh so clean!”
